Open nights
by ReversedLolita
Summary: When Olivia is forced to work with the new girl it doesn't take her long to realize what she's been missing out on; can Amanda get past her initial coldness and worm her way into the detective's heart though rumors lead her to believe it belongs to another? HIATUS UNTIL NOVEMBER 18th - - the end of my exam period
1. Potential

**So this is my new Rolivia story, a multi chapter fic as promised**

...

"Benson?"

Olivia looked up from her paperwork, as did everyone else in the squad room, eyes shifting towards Cragen's open office. He motioned her in, returning to his own desk, as Olivia stood with a sigh; paperwork wavering on her desk as she set it down.

"Nice knowing you." Fin smirked.

Olivia flipped him off, earning a hearty chuckle from the other detectives as she entered Cragen's office.

"Could you shut the door please?"

She did as asked, shutting it gently and leaning against the cool glass.

"What's up cap?"

"Looks like you're headed on a road trip. Bureau called, they requested your help on a case up North."

"Alright, any background?"

"Missing persons, not the first either; this time a seventeen year old girl known by the name Bridgette Gardena, missing three days so far."

Olivia shared a knowing look with her solemn faced captain, the girls name had already been spread across the paper's, and she was the fifth that they knew of.

"When do I leave?"

"Tonight."

Olivia sighed, rubbing her temples. Her weekend plans did not exactly involve a long drive up to the mountains; but she took it as it was, moving her hand to the doorknob and opening it slightly before her attention was brought back to the man at his desk.

"Liv?"

"Yeah cap?"

"Take Rollin's with you."

Olivia paused for a moment, her hand continuing to hover near the door before she shut it and turned, gaze returning directly to her captain.

"You have _got _to be kidding me." She sighed, exasperated.

Cragen only stared at her, his features without fault, as she took a seat before his desk.

"Cap..." She sighed. "She's just a rookie, she'll slow me down."

"Liv, hold on, don't you think you're being a bit harsh?" He questioned, though not surprised at her tone. "Rollin's is a good cop." He challenged.

"That's exactly my point." Olivia growled, standing so that she may pace the room. "She's a good cop, _not _a good detective; and I know you know there's a difference. She's just another trigger happy kid with no world experience that I would have to babysit." She huffed, her eyes darting to the blonde at her desk.

"She has potential Olivia." He broke in softly. "Now, maybe you can't see it, but I can. You say she has no world experience? Give her some. I'm not asking you to babysit her Liv; you should know that, I'm asking you to teach her. Amanda is a good cop, but with your help, she could be great."

As his last soft spoken words filled the room, Olivia knew that she'd lost, the decision was final whether she liked it or not. She bit her tongue, turning her head back to Cragen who had clearly ended the discussion by burying his head back into the paperwork that littered his desk. With a final glance towards the unknowing blonde, Olivia left the captains office to gather her coat and keys.

"Rollins?" She called, already halfway out of the precinct. "Pack your things. We're going on a road trip."

...

Amanda arrived a little before four; still dressed in her usual caramel leather and jeans.

"Hey Liv."

She sounded cheery, _too _cheery, considering the predicament they were being faced with. Olivia grumbled in response, moving to allow Amanda in as she left the doorway.

"We've got a little under two days of steady driving ahead of us." Her voice echoed from inside the apartment.

Amanda hesitated, knowing that she was unwelcome, before gradually making her way inside and throwing her duffel at the foot of Olivia's couch.

"Nice place." She smiled.

"Thanks." Olivia mumbled, zipping up her backpack.

"Hey, are you sure that you've packed enough, we could be up there a while and..."

"Rollins, I've been doing this job over a decade, I think I know what I'm doing." Olivia snapped.

Amanda's face fell. She was always overstepping boundaries with Olivia, from the moment she had set foot in the one-six it had been this way between them. _"She'll warm up to you."_ Fin had said. It had been a little over a year and barely any progress had been made between the pair. In the beginning, Olivia had been especially cold and she was forced to admit that the brunette was not_ as _bad now as she had been, though she was far from friendly and at times could hardly even be called civil. Amanda breathed deeply; rotating her shoulders and trying not to allow Olivia's disapproving looks make her uncomfortable. She'd never been to Olivia's apartment, even after countless times of offering to drive her co-worker home after Friday night drinks, it had just never happened. She took in the apartment's feel; forcing herself to realise that it wasn't at all as she had imagined (and _oh _had she imagined). Olivia's apartment was much more unkempt, less refined, than in her imaginings; though it made a lot of sense, taking into account the job that they held. There were no family photo's, no photo's of any kind, nothing personal to claim the space as detective Olivia Benson's; Amanda found herself almost disappointed after all her time daydreaming.

"Let's move. We're wasting daylight." Olivia growled, pushing past Amanda, backpack almost bowling the blonde over.

"Right." Amanda mumbled, fetching her own duffel and following the brunette's trail.

No going back now.

...

"Nice ride!" Amanda grinned, running her hand appreciatively across the mustang's gleaming bonnet. "Don't tell me you're taking this baby up to the mountains." She questioned Olivia, eyes glassy with love for the vehicle beneath her palm.

"Not in your wildest dreams." Olivia scoffed, earning a slight pout from Amanda. "There's a company sedan waiting for us out front."

Amanda was sure that disappointment showed evidently on her face. The car was almost as captivating as its owner.

"Whoa!" Amanda exclaimed at the sight of a large black bag being pulled from Olivia's back seat. "What's with all the heavy artillery? We're not going up there to slay an army." She almost laughed.

Olivia's eyes flicked towards the younger detective momentarily before they returned to the gun in her hand. The metal was cool against her fingers as she clicked it open, satisfied with the contents before she zipped up the duffel and slung it onto her back. Sometimes, most of the time, she could swear that Rollin's had never spent more than a day in the field.

"Someone up in those mountains is a dangerous killer; you've got to be prepared for anything."

She shut the boot with a thud, making Amanda cringe as she followed Olivia outside the car park, struggling to match Olivia's fast paced stride.

"I'm driving." Olivia stated, leaving no room for argument as she unlocked the sedan and threw her bags across the back seat.

"Fine with me." Amanda shrugged.

It was clear to her now that this trip would be one of the longest of her life; but Amanda hoped that maybe, when it was all over, Olivia would be able to tolerate her a little more and hate her a little less.

...

"So my sister, Kim, and I, we just ran for it!" Amanda laughed excitedly, body rocking in the passenger seat.

They'd already been driving for just over two hours and Olivia hadn't been granted a single moments peace as long as she remained in Amanda's presence. Amanda just continued to rant until Olivia became scarcely sure as to whether or not she understood the younger woman who allowed the words to feed on as though attached by an invisible string of her life story.

"So, I know these mountains really well." Amanda finally finished with a grin, her eyes flicking first to Olivia and then back to the disappearing city.

Olivia was already beginning to look tired; stray pieces of chestnut hair having escaped wildly from their clip, jacket having slipped down her shoulder and eyes bearing a heavy darkness beneath.

"Hey." Amanda whispered softly. "Would you like me to drive for a while?" She offered, placing a hand upon the brunette's slightly revealed shoulder.

"No." Olivia sighed, shaking off Amanda's friendly touch. "But I would like you to reach into my bag and retrieve the case files."

Amanda did so, Olivia's tone leaving no room for consideration, however hesitated as she gazed at the two backpacks.

"Blue." Olivia mumbled, seeing the woman's frame pause in the rear-view mirror.

She watched the tresses of blonde hair splay across Amanda's back as she rummaged for the files; eyes following along the twisted curve of Amanda's back as she wound around the seat, before hovering over the blonde's arse. Much to her own distress, Olivia lingered for a moment, though forced to turn away when Amanda sat back.

"Got them." The blonde chirped.

"Right." Olivia said hastily, returning her eyes to the road and internally kicking herself, fingers contracting around the steering wheel. "Now read it to me." She ordered, her stony demeanour returning.

In all honestly, the last three seconds had made her feel disgusted upon her own principles. What right did she have to ogle Amanda when she wouldn't even talk to her? Better yet, why would she want to? Amanda pursed her lips for a moment, taking a deep breath to try and calm herself. For a moment, Olivia had appeared almost human.

"Okay, ah..." She finally sighed, flicking through the pages. "Latest is Bridgette Gardena, seventeen. She disappeared while walking with her mother and stepfather, Kevin and Angela Gardena. Bridgette said she needed the bathroom, left and never came back."

"Just like the others." Olivia interjected, mumbling to herself rather than the woman next to her.

"Her disappearance has been linked to five others within the last three years. All girls were in their late teens, never seen again, no bodies ever found."

"Could still be alive though unlikely." Olivia sighed frustrated. "We don't even know how long the bastard keeps them for."

Amanda flicked her eyes towards Olivia, knowing better than to reply. She surveyed the weariness of Olivia's face, though her voice was without faulter, Amanda knew that Olivia felt stronger than anyone.

"They think he's a local, mid thirties to early fifties; he's someone that knows the mountain areas like the back of his hand. There's been little to no evidence trail to follow, that's why it's been over the brink of cold cases; the only links they've ever found were..."

"Bloody shirts and quite often a piece of jewellery; with the last disappearance we found bloody chains, no prints." Olivia cut in again.

"Right." Amanda confirmed. "But I mean, think about it Liv, to add in another clue for us after all this time, do you think it's still the same guy? Could just be an apprentice or even a copy cat..." Amanda trailed.

"Does the file say that?" Olivia questioned, knowing full well the answer.

"Well, no..." Amanda whispered. "But..."

"Then just go with the file. You can't make assumptions based on your gut when you have no experience."

Amanda frowned, closing the file on her lap.

"I always go with my gut; it's how I made detective so quickly." She defended promptly.

"You?" Olivia scoffed. "You made detective so quickly because the hicks you worked with down in Atlanta thought you were a nice piece of tail, they just wanted to keep you around, look how that worked out for them." She bit harshly, finishing on a laugh as she shook her head in disapproval.

Amanda was stunned at Olivia's intensity for a few moments, feeling overwhelmed. It took the blonde only seconds to turn away from the woman beside her, file still in hand, as she leant her head against the cool glass window; honey blonde hair shielding her face. She was determined not to cry, feeling the sting of tears within her eyes. Olivia clearly thought even less of her than she had imagined.

...

It was dark, close to two am, as Olivia continued driving. They had reached a small town, only slightly off course, much to the detective's relief. She had been tired for hours, eyelids drooping and hands almost slipping from the wheel, he focus wavering. Her eyes shifted to Amanda, travelling over the girl's huddled form. The blonde looked a lot smaller than she had earlier; Olivia having only realised how harsh her words were after they had escaped the confines of her lips, instantly wishing that she could take them back. She was tired, absolutely exhausted, but that was no excuse. Amanda would never become a better cop if all Olivia did was shut her down like that; in truth, Olivia always went with her gut, she shouldn't have criticised Amanda for following suit. Amanda still had a lot to learn, and as much as Olivia didn't want to teach her, the blonde was more of a nuisance to her now than she would be if she continued to teach her nothing; expecting her to simply know.

"I'm sorry." Olivia mumbled, knowing that the girl couldn't hear her.

Amanda had been asleep for many hours now, curled in the same position she had been since Olivia's undeserved comment. As hard as Olivia tried, she couldn't keep her eyes away from Amanda's gently sleeping form for more than a few moments. She watched the luminescence of hotel lights bounce across Amanda's face, a mess of blonde hair shielding most as it swept across her shoulder; though the woman's upturned nose peeked out slightly from beneath her hand (the other still loosely gripping itself to the case file).A mix of yellow, red and white light marked a path across her cheekbones up to closed lids and along the slant of her eyelashes. Olivia smiled. Amanda was more than a nice piece of tail, and as much as she hated to admit it, she was more than a rookie.

...

"Amanda?"

Olivia had pulled into the first vacant hotel available; a shabby brick, classic motorway stop, the kind of place that they would usually find their suspects hiding out in. It would do for tonight.

"Amanda?" Olivia spoke again, the blonde still unmoving.

Olivia sighed, but couldn't help the smile that directed itself towards her colleague.

"Amanda." She whispered. "Wake up."

Olivia gently traced her hand across the curve of Amanda's shoulder, brushing back the mess of honey hair that had made home there. As Amanda stirred, Olivia ripped her and away, followed by the slow opening of the girl's blue-green eyes. Olivia watched as Amanda groaned, sat up and stretched like a cat before shifting her gaze back. She smiled at Olivia, thankful for being able to rest. Olivia couldn't stop staring; Amanda must've had thicker skin than she'd originally thought.

"Ah...Liv?" Amanda questioned suddenly. "I need to pee." She blushed.

Olivia shook her head, eyes focussing on her own fingers as they slid across the steering wheel.

"There's a twenty-four-hour bar over there, I'm sure they have a bathroom. Anyway, I need a drink and some food." She tried to laugh.

Amanda smiled anyway, sliding out of the sedan before leaning back in to fetch her bag. Olivia followed suit, her movement's heavy from exhaustion as her skull pounded.

"Liv, are you okay?" Amanda questioned, appearing close behind the brunette's back.

"Better once I have a drink." Olivia assured, slamming the sedan door and making her way to the bar.

When they arrived, it contained only a few straggling occupants – the kind of men they'd usually be arresting – night owls and alcoholics. Olivia made her way to the desk, adjoining the bar, as Amanda rushed for the ladies room.

"One room." Olivia requested, no point wasting two when they only had a few hours. "Two singles." She continued, fishing for cash in her bag.

"One room, one double." The man grunted.

Olivia looked up with a raised eyebrow, her gaze resting on a liver spot just shy of his motor cortex. The man merely gaped at her, eyes falling momentarily to her breasts.

"Great." Olivia grumbled. "Whatever." She said, flinging the cash to him.

"What's wrong?" Amanda chirped, appearing behind the older woman again with a smile.

"Nothing." Olivia said quickly, turning away from the desk. "Let's get a drink."

Amanda shrugged, following Olivia into the bar section and sliding onto a stool next to her. Olivia's eyes flicked back to Amanda, her eyes travelling up a pair of denim clad legs, only torn away when the bartender handed them each a beer. Olivia downed the majority of hers without thought, Amanda simply sipping from her own. She'd been drinking with Olivia before, never alone, usually after a hard case. Some nights Olivia would drink more than anyone, always earning concerned looks that told Amanda of a story she didn't know, other times she wouldn't drink at all. There was so much about Olivia that Amanda didn't know, there were times when she felt as though she thirsted for it, things Amanda hungered for. She hadn't gained much other than what she'd read in newspaper's or heard throughout the usual office gossip; but none of it was really her. In Atlanta, hell, in the academy, Amanda had grown to idolise the older detective; nothing doubted that. Olivia was why she'd asked to be moved to Manhattan SVU, she'd had to go somewhere. From the moment she'd entered the one-six her idolisation had turned into more of a reverent crush on the woman who, unfortunately, unwelcomed her (many rumours suggesting why). Physically, Olivia was surpassing of Amanda's daydreams; discretely muscular, quaintly petite and gorgeous; but Amanda was still disappointed. Olivia's disposition towards her had more than damaged her imagination.

"Hungry?" Olivia asked, turning to Amanda, interrupting her thoughts.

She'd noticed the girl staring, as she often did, deciding to ignore her until she began feeling scrutinised by the inquisitive blonde.

"Ah, sure."Amanda smiled, taking a large swig of her beer to try and distract her from Olivia's close proximity.

The women ordered before continuing their silence. Olivia felt rude for not talking, especially after her earlier comment, but she just couldn't fathom words through the exhausted haze that clouded her mind. Whenever she spoke to Amanda her words were never kind, they were hardly even acceptable, but Amanda never spoke to her that way; the younger detective always greeted her as a friend. Amanda seemed to take it in her stride, though Olivia had a tendency to be cruel, remaining determined to gain her respect and affections; it was admirable. Amanda's eyes searched the room, trying to focus anywhere but Olivia. She followed the trail made by an alcohol stained green carpet, up the supports of sticky tables that remained void of most occupant, until her eyes rest upon a machine in the back corner. Amanda couldn't stop the familiar tingle in her finger that rose inside her as she identified the machine, her mouth growing dry instantaneously. She couldn't, not here, not now, not with Olivia. She could feel the clamminess in her palms, the cash teasing her from the back pocket of her jeans. The situation was cruel, the fact she'd had a beer only weakening her further. Amanda wasn't about to throw away everything she'd worked so hard for, not like this. She stood quickly, almost knocking over her stool as she practically ran from the bar.

"Amanda!" Olivia called, rising slightly from her seat, but the blonde was already gone – door swinging in her wake.

Olivia sat back down, ignoring the numerous eyes casting themselves upon her. She ordered two more beers, finished half her meal and had the other wrapped up for Amanda. It was close to four before she gathered the bags and made her way from the bar. As the cold air it her, skin releasing a harsh shiver, she made her way to the side stairs leading to their overnight room. Olivia stopped when she spotted a solitary figure in the dark; it was Amanda, she was playing basketball alone across a deserted court. Olivia lingered at the stairs base, Amanda too distracted to notice, as she watched the blonde throw three successful hoops. Olivia would have been daft not to notice that something was wrong, she even considered joining the girl for a game, but her muscles screamed out in pain from lack of sleep and she trusted that Amanda would come to her when and if she was ever ready to talk. Olivia scoffed at her last thought; Amanda would never come to her as long as Olivia treated her the way she did. Olivia sighed, running a hand through her dishevelled chestnut waves.

"Goodnight." She finally mumbled, trekking up the stairs and opening their room.

Against her better judgement, she left the door slightly ajar; flicking on the light so that she may prepare herself for a few hours of precious sleep.

...

Amanda had paid for the ball with the money in her back pocket. Her body was screaming for sustenance, her limbs dragging with exhaustion, but she kept playing; she needed to burn off the feeling, kill her addiction before she'd ever let it kill her again. The meetings helped sometimes, she'd been clean a long time now but it never stopped being hard, the feeling never left her. Amanda scored three hoops in a row before circling back around the court for another; only stopping when the distant sound of a door creak caught her attention. It was Olivia, exhausted, struggling with their three bags as she pushed open the door to their room. Amanda toyed with the ball in her hands. It had been a dick move to leave but she'd needed to get out; she wasn't ready to explain to Olivia, the woman who already thought her weak. She wanted things to change between them, tonight had not gone at all as planned, Olivia appeared most times as cold and uncaring but she changed within an instant before just as swiftly changing back. Her eyes lingered after the light had gone out, door still slightly ajar, wondering if Olivia was up there waiting for her.

"Grow up Rollins." She chastised herself, throwing the ball towards the hoop.

She missed her target but allowed it to roll down the court a little. Amanda wondered how obvious her schoolgirl crush had become to the brunette who surely disagreed in every way; pondering on how long it would take her to find out if she didn't already know, calculating the days or even hours she would have left before being transferred straight back to Atlanta. Amanda wondered if she would be granted leniency, many others of both sexes had fancied the famed Olivia Benson across the years, it was difficult not to admire the gorgeous woman entering the squad room each morning. Amanda shook her head and retrieved the ball. No single part of her was ready to go inside yet.

...

Amanda only began her journey to the room when daylight had begun to break; if she was going to drive then she needed to be able to keep her eyes open. She found Olivia huddled on one side of the double bed, the other side clearly left vacant for Amanda. She shut the door, slivers of sunlight peeking through the blinds to guide her steps. Olivia's coat had been thrown carelessly across an armchair by the bed, and so Amanda filled its space; seeing it as the safer option in comparison to sliding under the covers with Olivia. As she began to relax, surrounded by the warmth of Olivia's woollen coat, she found herself gazing at the brunette's sleeping form. Olivia wasn't quite still, instead twitching and kicking slightly in her sleep. Amanda felt a comforting touch working its down to the tips of her fingers but quickly thought better of it, instead rubbing her own palms together awkwardly. Olivia clearly didn't want her comfort or even her company, and so she stayed in her place; eventually drifting into an exhausted sleep.

...

It was already eight when Olivia awoke, feeling as though she'd hardly slept at all, plagued by the same nightmares that had overtaken her sleep for months now. She stretched out before rolling to her side, covers pulled tightly up to her chin, given the somewhat relieving sight of a sleeping Amanda on a worn crimson armchair. Olivia smiled at the sight of Amanda huddled beneath her wool coat, wishing the both of them could rest for a while longer. Olivia knew it was an impossibility and so pulled herself from the bed, tousling her chestnut curls, before tearing away to the shower. In doing so she heard Amanda mumble something, turning her face slightly from the bathroom door.

"Huh?" She whispered.

"Mmm..." Amanda grumbled, turning slightly though keeping her eyes closed. "Five more minutes."

Olivia smiled, slipping into the bathroom and closing the door. With water hot against her skin she breathed deeply, massaging the kinks from her neck, trying to prepare herself for the remainder of their drive. Meanwhile, Amanda tried to wake herself up. She stood slowly and stretched out her arms, yawning as she folded Olivia's coat neatly on the seat, the sound of water running in the bathroom filling her ears. It ran for only a few minutes before she could hear Olivia stepping out of the shower, followed by the creaking bathroom door.

"Amanda?" Came Olivia's muffled voice. "Could you ah, please pass me my clothes?" She requested, sticking her hand through the crack in the door. "I accidentally left them on that chair." She blushed, her hand pointing to a chair on the rooms other side.

"Sure." Amanda shrugged.

She gathered the pile of Olivia's clothes, taking a silent breath before she walked to the bathroom.

"Thanks." Olivia smiled as Amanda passed her the clothing.

The blonde was too focussed on a water droplet sliding down Olivia's exposed neck to realise what she was doing, the feeling of Olivia's finger sliding across the back of her hand during the exchange becoming enough to startle her. They both jumped, Olivia's underwear falling to the floor.

"Sorry." The women promptly said in unison.

Both women leant down, their hands outstretched, aiming to retrieve the black boy-legs. Both of their hands hovered over the item, eyes catching each other in an almost confused stare. Olivia reached for her underwear, neither one breaking eye contact as they stood once more.

"I..." Amanda stuttered.

"I'll be out in a minute." Olivia interjected promptly, closing the door in Amanda's face.

Amanda's breath had frozen in her throat, released as a gentle sigh before she turned away, crossing the room to gather her own things. Olivia pressed her head against the bathroom door, listening to Amanda's movements. This situation was ridiculous, _she _was ridiculous; most of all, the way Amanda made her feel when it was just the two of them was ridiculous.

...

"How about you take a break from that case file Liv? There are no more words on those pages than what was there yesterday or the last seven times you've looked at it. You can't learn anymore from it than what you already have, at least not until we have more context."

Olivia looked up from the file that balanced upon her knees as she leant against the window, they searched Amanda who's large doe eyes stared back before returning to the road.

"You know what?" Olivia sighed. "You're right." She smiled, throwing the file in the back seat.

Olivia registered the shock of her 'almost praise' on Amanda's features, unable to stop herself from laughing; only making Amanda more nervous.

"Relax!" Olivia exclaimed, slapping just above the woman's knee. "God Rollins, loosen up." She finished with a shake of her head.

"Coming from you?" Amanda released suddenly, her smile growing brighter.

Olivia faked an offended face as she held a hand to her heart. Amanda smiled softly, relieved that the woman was in a better mood than the day before. Unfortunately, focussing on the road was only getting harder as Olivia took more of her attention. Te brunette reclined in her seat, stretching out and smiling at Amanda lightly, burying her face within the crook of her elbow as loose waves fell around her face. Amanda licked her lips shakily, forcing herself to stare at the road rather than Olivia's breasts or even her face that gazed at her so sweetly. Olivia had to give Cragen credit, as she always did, Amanda _was _an alright cop and more than she had originally thought. Though Olivia wasn't quite ready to admit that she wouldn't have chosen Fin given the option.

"Mind if I turn on the radio?"

The blonde just nodded and so Olivia began to fiddle with the dial, stopping on the first non-hazy station she could find. Amanda knew all the words and so began singing quietly to herself, Olivia leaning on her crouched up knees to stare at the woman beside her.

"What's it called?" Olivia asked quietly.

Amanda blushed slightly, having not realised that Olivia had been watching her.

"Ah, I think it's called a case of you." Amanda replied, taking a left turn. "By Joni someone." She mumbled.

Olivia listened to the songs remainder intently. She had never really liked country music but found herself growing to appreciate it as it flowed from Amanda's lips.

...

They filled the following hours with silence from their lips, only the eventually crackling radio to fill the void; but it was peaceful. Olivia had become distracted by her view from the window, watching as tree's and open countryside passed by freely. Amanda watched from the corner of her eye, finding Olivia's look of awe more than endearing.

"It's beautiful." Olivia finally uttered. "Shame we're here under these circumstances.

Amanda frowned slightly.

"You never know." She said finally." This case might close up quickly and things just might turn out okay."

Amanda's voice was twinged with hope and Olivia could sense that she hadn't _just _been referring to the case.

"Shouldn't you be looking at a map?" Olivia questioned, realising that Amanda hadn't touched it the entire time that they'd been driving.

"I'm the map." She smiled, her eyes twinkling.

Olivia looked at her incredulously.

"I _swear _to god Rollin's that if you get us lost out here I'll..."

"And we're here." The blonde interjected cheekily as she parked the sedan by an old cabin at the mountain's base. "What was that you were saying?" She winked.

Olivia scowled, giving Amanda a light shove, earning only a laugh.

"Lucky Rollin's." She uttered, shoving open the door and sliding from the sedan.

As Amanda also exited the car with a smile, a rather robust man in a park ranger's uniform moved to greet them.

"Benson I presume." He greeted, shaking Olivia's hand.

"Right. That's Rollin's." She replied, motioning to Amanda who leant against the car.

"Rolfe." He grunted. "I'll radio your team now, they're not far up, and they've been waiting for you." He grinned, revealing several missing teeth.

As Rolfe disappeared, Olivia made her way back to the vehicle were Amanda was busy fidgeting in her jean pockets.

"I haven't been up here in a really long time." She marvelled suddenly.

Olivia looked to the woman beside her, having a vague memory of Amanda mentioning family trips up in this direction.

"You really were the map weren't you?" Olivia grinned, trying to take the tension off.

Amanda smiled weakly, interrupted by Rolfe's reappearance.

"Agent Porter will be here to collect you two girls in no time."

Amanda watched as all the colour suddenly drained from Olivia's face.

"Porter?" Olivia grimaced. "Could this trip get any _worse_?" She huffed, tearing away from the car with her bags.

...

**Leave a review maybe? When I get ten I will post the next chapter (:**


	2. Words we couldn't say

**Thanks for all of your wonderful encouragement!**

**...**

"Olivia." Porter grinned. "Nice to see you." He smiled, extending his hand.

"Fuck off." Olivia hissed, pushing past him. "I swear to god you better not have invited me here for anything but the case Dean." She seethed, turning back towards him

Amanda watched the exchange curiously from a distance, the way she noted is lip twitch made her want nothing more than to wipe the smug smile from is arrogant face.

"You're a lot more hostile than I last remember." He laughed, turning back to Olivia. "I invited you because I know you're the best." He winked. "So you better behave." He finished with scowl, throwing a bag into Olivia's arms.

Amanda frowned, ready to step forward and confront him, silenced by a sharp glare from Olivia. She could see the rage bubbling beneath Olivia's skin, confident that this _Agent Porter _would soon be living with a black eye for the next few days.

"You ladies better get changed!" Porter called as he walked back towards the mountain, Olivia's irritated gaze piercing through his back.

...

"It's been five days Dean, have you found _anything_?" Olivia questioned.

Porter turned his head slightly to catch Olivia's gaze as they trudged up the mountain.

"Other than Bridgette's shirt and a bloody chain, no. And before you ask, yes, she was wearing a watch; no we haven't found it."

"Then how do you know she's even still up here? How do you know _any _of them were up here?" Olivia exasperated.

"Liv." Dean sighed, stopping in his tracks and turning towards the brunette behind him.

Olivia cringed slightly at the use of her nickname but continued to hold her defiant glare against him.

"We've been working this case for three years, Bridgette is the sixth girl, and all six disappeared in this area. We've got teams on every one of these mountains until we're given reason to believe that there's nothing we can find."

"I get your angle on this Dean, I really do." Olivia replied through gritted teeth. "But we've never found a body; you can't believe he's kept all or any of them up in these mountains for all this time. For all we know, these are just his hunting grounds. I don't think this is where we're gonna find Bridgette or any of the other girls."

Porter didn't reply, only turned his head and continued to walk. As Amanda took a step forward towards the older detective, she could see Olivia's eyes darken before watching her storm upwards towards the man in front.

"You have got to be _fucking _kidding me!" Olivia growled, pulling at Porter's shirt collar; causing him to waver slightly before turning to face the brunette. "You're not even here to find Bridgette!" She seethed, placing an accusing finger strongly against the man's chest.

Dean dropped his bags, taking a tight hold of Olivia's wrists in his fingers and forcing her hand up to the side of them. Olivia hissed slightly beneath his grip, clenching her fist at the pain.

"_We_." He began. "Are up in this godforsaken set of mountains to catch a serial kidnapper, if you can't cooperate." He threatened, twisting Olivia's wrist in his grasp. "I will send you back to New York and make sure you lose your badge." He spat, throwing Olivia's wrist back to her side and picking up his bags.

Olivia's hand moved to soothe the slight sting of her wrist automatically. Amanda rushed to her side, a mix of fury and confusion clouding her fingers as she reached for the brunette's wrist, sliding her thumb across its bruised surface until Olivia pulled away.

"Just leave it Rollins." Olivia whispered; she had meant it to sound harsher, instead escaping as almost a pleading sigh.

Amanda hung back for a moment, watching Olivia continue her way up the mountain behind Dean, all silent. She wondered what story was behind the two of them, already feeling an instant dislike for the man in charge.

...

They reached the camp within an hour, a secluded spot on the mountains edge with seven tents scattered around a wall of towering pines, a small pagoda towards the camps side. It was already vastly colder than at the mountains base, the wind whispering promises of an unpleasant night to come.

"Carson! Radley!" Porter barked from the pagoda.

Olivia grimaced at the overwhelming amount of men working this operation, hoping at least some had better manners than that Porter ever presented.

"Get some supplies to the ladies." He ordered.

"Detectives." Amanda corrected bitterly, moving to stand by Olivia's side as Porter offered her a challenging glare.

Amanda appeared unfazed by the hike, as though it had been a completely effortless feat to be laughed at.

"Here." One of the men said gruffly, placing two bags in front of the women.

"Thank you." Amanda drawled, offering her hand to shake. "Amanda Rollins." She introduced.

"Cameron Radley, this here's Brent." Both men smiled, shaking Amanda's outstretched hand.

"And this is..." Amanda began, motioning to the now empty space where Olivia had been.

Her brow furrowed, the men grinning as they watched Olivia disappear into the pagoda.

"What now?" Dean grumbled, continuing to shuffle through the various maps and papers that sprawled across the makeshift table.

"I want." Olivia sighed. "For you to bring me up to speed."

Dean's hands froze for a moment before he set down the papers and turned to Olivia. He was almost shocked at the sincere calm in her voice, though laced with frustration at his questioning. He grinned slightly, knowing that it wouldn't last; Olivia had a fiery temper, especially towards him.

"Okay." He uttered finally, motioning Olivia towards him.

Olivia took the invitation, moving to support herself on the table beside him, her eyes scanning across the various papers.

"We've been up here almost three days just getting to know the area; we've got teams on every mountain." He began, his finger moving to their locations on the map. "You and what's-her-name makes our nine."

"Rollins. Amanda Rollins." Olivia found herself correcting before she realised.

Dean didn't acknowledge her correction, instead pointing to another spot on the map.

"We found Bridgette's shirt here, less than four kilometres from where she was last seen."

"And the chain?"

"Up here." Dean pointed to a spot several kilometres from their campsite. "It's a lot farther from where she went missing but its closer to where the second girl, Shaylee Abernate, was last seen."

Olivia nodded, biting her tongue in concentration, determined to find a pattern other than the mountains, some kind of trail.

"The other girls?"

"Angelina Waters, Hannah Eisenhower, Jessica Cruz and Noelle Jones." He said, pointing to each of their disappearance sites. "Shirts found here, and jewellery here." He continued, also pointing to their locations on the map.

Olivia let out a deep breath that she'd been holding, annoyed that there seemed to be no pattern in locations. She turned to Dean, forced to swallow her own pride when she could see the same look crossing his face.

"We'll catch him." She assured quietly, placing a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

His gaze flicked towards her, his eyes softer than she'd seen them in a long time. Olivia was reminded of how they used to be, before they'd hated each other. He opened his mouth to say something but she promptly pulled her hand away.

"Right." He corrected himself, standing straight again, his solemn look pushed back.

"Thanks, for the update I mean." Olivia smiled awkwardly, glancing at him for a last time before she made her way back to Amanda.

Dean watched her leave, the familiar heaviness in his chest that Olivia always brought moving to is throat. He wanted to say that he invited her purely for the case, because she was the best (which he knew she was), but he couldn't.

...

"Hey Liv." Amanda greeted as the brunette squatted down beside her.

"What've we got?" She queried, ignoring the blonde's greeting.

"Um, a tent each, flashlights, sleeping bags and radios." Amanda listed, handing Olivia a supply bag.

"You girls better get moving on those tents. It'll be dark out here before you know it." One of the men called.

Amanda smiled thankfully at him before pulling Olivia to stand.

"You do know how to do this, right?" She whispered to Olivia who was busy staring at the items in what appeared to be confusion.

She looked back at Amanda with a scowl.

"Of course I can do it." She stated matter-of-factly.

Amanda held up her hands in defence, trying to hold in a laugh, before beginning to set up her own tent. Everything went smoothly, Amanda finishing in less than twenty minutes, all things fitting nicely in her tent; however, when she stood, Amanda caught sight of Olivia who was still fumbling with her tent. Amanda moved to stand a few feet away, watching Olivia's clumsiness with a lopsided smile. After only a few minutes, other men from the team began joining her to stare at their unknowing spectacle. Amanda's vision wandered, following Olivia's form as she often did. Olivia only looked slightly out of place in her hiking boots and camouflage gear, top two buttons of her shirt undone to show the curved neck of her black camisole. Amanda watched as the woman's long brunette tresses splay across her shoulder, falling loose from the ponytail meant to keep them, as she knelt over the tent trying to understand its structure with frustration. What caught Amanda's eye next was the sway of Olivia's curved hips leading down to one of the best arses she's ever seen. Her eyes lingered in appreciation, a small grin forming on her lips before she was interrupted by Olivia's swift turn around.

"What the hell is everybody staring at?" She growled.

The other men walked away to resume their business, followed by Amanda who'd received a harsh glare from the brunette. Olivia was determined to prove them wrong.

...

It was an hour past nightfall before Olivia finished her tent, having refused more than several offers for help across that time, eventually joining everyone by the small fire. She looked to Amanda whom happily chatted with three of the officers; sports, Olivia thought. She marvelled at how easily Amanda was able to talk to people, especially men. Olivia had always been prized on her ability to talk to the victims, she remembered Amanda sometimes coming off as too bold, true to her character. Amanda had made a lot of progress since beginning at Manhattan SVU, Olivia could see that now. Amanda's eyes caught hers for a moment; she smiled, before returning to her conversation with the men.

"What's her story?" Porter asked quietly as he slid onto the log beside Olivia, handing her a plate of food.

Olivia turned to him and shrugged.

"I wouldn't know." She sighed.

In the last few days, after being alone with Amanda, she'd begun to feel genuinely bad about this. Her intolerance of the blonde had bordered on if not crossed the unacceptable mark and the girl had been with them close to a year. Olivia had made no effort to get to know her, or to be her friend or even her partner.

"Is she a good cop?" He asked, lighting a cigarette.

"One of the better." Olivia replied without hesitation.

Olivia watched as Amanda erupted into an extravagant gesture to describe some kind of tackle that had taken place, an endearing smile crossing her lips.

"So she's your new partner?"

"No."

A moment of silence passed between them, Olivia could feel Dean's movements towards her.

"Liv, I..." He sighed, causing Olivia to turn and face him. "I'm sorry I never called after Elliot, I wanted to, we all did, we're all sorry but you know, don't you? You know that he is _never _coming back."

He had said it in a whisper, gently, but his words did not feel gentle; just as they hadn't when anyone else had spoken them, they felt cold and cruel. Olivia turned away with a heat she tried to assure herself was anger, but it was tears. Olivia stood, picking up her flashlight and tearing away from the group. She felt eyes watching her, Amanda included, but she kept walking. She walked until the fire was only a glimmering red dot in the distance, only stopping as the need for oxygen burned in her lungs, stray tears marking a glistening path across her face. She knew better than anyone that Elliot was never going to come back. After over a decade of partnership he'd ripped her apart. Even now, months later, she still wondered if he had realised that he was leaving when she saw him last. It didn't occur to her until she replayed the memory over in her head at night that the both of them had been so exhausted, that she'd only said goodnight while he'd said goodbye.

...

"Right, get some rest, tomorrow we're moving up this mountain." Porter grinned, raising his glass.

The team erupted into a low rumble of excitement before slowly dispersing around the campsite to their tents. Amanda looked around, she'd noticed Olivia leave from the corner of her eye but was only just realising that she hadn't returned. Her face turned to that of concern. Olivia's tent was empty, it was close to ten, the area surrounded by an endless path of pitch black sky, moon concealed by the towering pines above.

"Liv?" She called, eyes darting around the area. "Liv?"

Her tone grew worried as the air remained filled with silence; the men began to stare until she stopped calling, a light in the distance coming into view. Amanda squinted, her eyes managing to make out the silhouette of Olivia's frame coming into view. Amanda ran from the camp, up the mountain curve, to Olivia; almost bowling the brunette over in the process.

"Whoa Rollins, steady." Olivia breathed, hands steadying the blonde by her shoulders to prevent her fall.

Amanda allowed the woman to steady her, one foot still wobbling on a rock as her face angled upwards towards Olivia who had become vastly taller on the mountain's slant. She'd been crying, bellow her eyes were slightly swollen, a redness circling her lids.

"Liv?" Amanda whispered, her fingers travelling to Olivia's cheek.

She traced her thumb across the damp arch of Olivia's cheekbone, her others caressing down the side of the woman's jaw. Olivia jumped slightly at the contact, turning her head away to shake the girl's stare; Amanda had a tendency to touch her that she was not quite accustomed to. Amanda felt a shuddering breath escape Olivia's slightly parted lips, the older woman swallowing roughly.

"Please." She whimpered.

Amanda slid away her hand, kicking herself for overstepping a boundary and possibly ruining the slight progress they'd made. Olivia sighed, sliding her hand down Amanda's arm, trying to manage a weak smile. With a last lingering glance, Olivia slid away; back down the mountain and into the camp just as quietly as she had left it. Amanda felt the brunette's name hovering in her throat, refusing to make its journey out her lips; so instead she followed the woman down in silence.

...

Olivia lay inside her tent, surrounded by the sound of rustling trees and the scent of 'almost-rain' to distract her senses. What haunted her most were the sounds she could no longer hear. Her head turned in the direction of Amanda's tent, the blonde's soft spoken voice from when they were alone echoing in her mind. Had it happened before and she'd just been too dumb to notice? How simple the three letters of her own nickname had sounded before that moment, though mere minute's had passed between then and now, it felt almost a lifetime away. Olivia closed her eyes, hoping to replay the moment and all those before then exactly as they had happened. Amanda's voice repeating the same syllable in her head over and over. It sounded just as tender and soft as it had when it was uttered. In just under three days the girl had managed to capture her and pull her into something that she couldn't name.

...

The whole camp was awoken by an unearthly scream, Amanda and Dean the first from their tents. Both shared a confused look as other men began to appear, some with guns drawn as they stood beneath the rain. It wasn't until they noticed Olivia's absence that heads turned to her tent, or at least what was left of the collapsed mess that it had become.

"Olivia?" Amanda hesitated.

"I'm in here." Olivia growled impatiently.

The men began to laugh before returning to their tents, only Amanda and Dean lingering. Amanda rushed through the rain and over to the remainders of Olivia's tent, mud coating her feet, before she lifted up the mess.

"Oh Liv." Amanda sighed.

She was confronted with Olivia's soaking frame, drenched hair clinging to the curves of her face. It was both the one of the saddest and funniest sights that she had ever encountered.

"Come on." Amanda offered holding out her hand to the brunette.

Olivia took it without hesitation, allowing Amanda to pull her from the collapsed tent before rushing to Amanda's; Porter's disapproving stare following them in.

"Okay." Olivia breathed once inside the safety of Amanda's tent. "I will now admit that I have _zero _tent building experience."

Amanda tried to keep a straight face, failing miserably, before she burst out laughing.

"No kidding." She said sarcastically, followed by a slight giggle.

Olivia frowned but couldn't suppress her own smile at the disastrous situation for more than a few moments.

"We better get you cleaned up." Amanda smiled. "Looks like you'll be bunking with me for tonight."

Olivia's breath caught slightly, cursing herself for her own stupidity on both her inability to build a tent and the lack of self control she was beginning to feel around Amanda. However, until that moment she had felt miserable. Her tent building skills were nil, her belongings were drenched, _she _was drenched and already anticipating tomorrow mornings jokes. In only less than three days the thought of sharing a confined space had begun to feel more than bearable. Amanda approached her, taking a tangle of damp brunette waves in her fingers, lopsided smile forming on her lips.

"Sit down." She instructed. "Don't worry about the water; I'll get you some fresh clothes."

Olivia did as she was told; sitting cross legged on the ground so that Amanda could kneel behind her. Amanda reached up with the towel to dry Olivia's air until it was only vaguely damp curls. Though a task that Olivia was entirely capable of performing, she didn't object. She relaxed as Amanda began to brush the knots from her hair, an involuntary sigh escaping as Amanda's fingers brushed the side of her neck in an effort to move the hair. "So tell me..." Amanda began quietly, sliding the brush down Olivia's back as she tried to calm the knot in her stomach. "How exactly does a cop like you _not _know how to construct a tent properly?"

Olivia laughed slightly, brushing a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"Cop like me, hey?" She smiled, trying to ease the lingering sensation left by Amanda's touch.

"You know what I mean." Amanda blushed.

"Really? I haven't had much experience in the great outdoors." She admitted. "My family, we didn't go on camping trips or..." Olivia hesitated.

She didn't usually talk about her mother or her _family _but for a second it had come so easily. Olivia tried to form the words to explain but she realised that they were virtually inexistent. Thankfully Amanda filled the silence as though there had been none at all.

"My dad used to bring us up here all the time, my sister Kim and I, he took us everywhere with him; sports games, camping trips, anything we wanted, even if he wasn't interested he would always pretend that he was."

Amanda smiled at the memories, still absentmindedly brushing Olivia's waves. Olivia smiled too, Amanda sounded so happy talking about them.

"What does he do?"

"He _was _a cop, a darn good one too." Amanda laughed. "He died on the job when I was fifteen. My mother, she wanted to kill me the day I even suggested going into the academy."

Amanda had stopped brushing now, Olivia's hair hanging loosely over her hand.

"But she came around?"

"Eventually, about the same time she began having bigger problems with Kim.

"Your family sounds..." Olivia sighed.

"Crazy?" Amanda interjected.

"Nice." Olivia smiled, her head turning to face the blonde.

Amanda had heard many rumours about the older woman's family life or lack thereof, none of them good, all of which she was sure were much less painful than the truth.

"Let's get you out of those wet clothes."

Olivia shivered at the reminder of how soaked she was, the cold chilling her bones.

"You can borrow something of mine." Amanda said, rummaging through her bags, pulling out an NYPD hoodie and sleep shorts. "These should fit." She offered.

Olivia accepted the clothes, fingering the soft material.

"Thanks." She smiled.

Amanda scooted back as Olivia turned again. She watched the brunette's fingers hesitate at the hem of her soaked jumper before she pulled it slowly up her body. Amanda was silent as Olivia's back became visible; her eyes following the path of Olivia's spine, eyes sliding across olive skin, counting the scars that littered the detective's newly exposed skin. She counted several protruding white lines that marked her skins otherwise smooth surface; ranging from the curve of her hips to the nape of her neck. It wasn't until she stopped counting that Amanda noticed Olivia wasn't wearing a bra, an involuntary groan rumbling inside her. Olivia jumped slightly, almost having forgotten that Amanda was behind her, quickly pulling the jumper over her body.

"Your shorts, they're not going to fit; my hips are too wide." Olivia blushed.

Amanda's eyes wandered to the same hips she'd appreciated at least a thousand times.

"Take off your leggings."

It had escaped as a husky demand, sounding urgent and needing; Amanda instantly blushing at her own words, closing her eyes to try and calm herself.

"I know what you meant." Olivia assured through her own pounding heartbeat.

Olivia stood as much as she could in the tents confined space, tugging the damp leggings down her thighs until she stood in Amanda's sweatshirt and her underpants.

"You'll probably get cold." Amanda breathed, absentmindedly licking her dry lips.

"I'll survive." Olivia shrugged.

She left her clothes in a drenched heap by the tents entrance, crawling to where Amanda sat atop a pile of blankets.

"It's almost two." Amanda whispered.

Olivia could feel the heat radiating from Amanda's body, if she moved only an inch they could be touching.

"I know." She finally breathed.

Amanda's found it impossible to focus on anything other than the intensity of Olivia's chocolate stare, wanting nothing more than to fill the space between them.

"We should get some sleep." She choked out, willing other words to follow it.

"I know." Olivia said again.

They both hovered for a moment, the rain having lessened to a mere patter against the tent wall. Olivia eventually closed her eyes, unable to stare at Amanda any longer due to being at the risk of doing something she couldn't understand. She slid beneath the covers, felling Amanda mimicking her actions as they lay beside one another beneath the covers, not quite touching.

"Amanda?" Olivia breathed after another period of silence.

"Yes?" Amanda strained, her throat having grown dry in Olivia's close proximity.

"Thank you." Olivia whispered.

They were not the words her mind was whispering but they were all she could manage for a while. The silence returned between them comfortably, each merely happy that they could be warmed by one another.

...

"Rise and shine ladies, we've got a mountain to climb!"

Only agent Dean Porter could sound that excited about a draining hike at six am in search for missing girls. Both women's eyes flittered open with a yawn.

"Um, Amanda? I can't move my leg." Olivia muttered.

The blonde had entwined her legs around the smoothness of Olivia's dark skin during the night, already feeling withdrawal symptoms from Olivia's imminent loss of contact with her body.

"Sorry." She mumbled, detaching herself from the brunette.

Both women stretched, followed by Olivia letting out a small sneeze that crinkled up her face adorably.

"Bless you." Amanda smiled. "Gosh, I hope you're not coming down with anything." She suddenly frowned, her hand moving to Olivia's forehead.

"I'll be fine Rollin's." She smiled, removing Amanda's hand gently from her skin, giving the blonde's fingers a light squeeze.

Amanda smiled gently, even as Olivia slid her hand away.

"Here." Amanda motioned suddenly to a pile of clothes. "We won't be able to dry any of your things until we stop again.

"Thanks." Olivia smiled again, large brown eyes visible from beneath her thick lashes.

Amanda forced herself to leave the tent as Olivia changed, the brunette later emerging in the same NYPD sweatshirt she'd slept in and the largest pair of track pants that she could find. Olivia remained braless.

...

"Right, I want everyone to keep their eyes peeled, anything, animal tracks, I don't care, anything that could tell us where this guy is." Porter stressed. "Everyone, pair up." He continued to lecture. "Benson, you're with me."

Olivia frowned; she didn't have the energy to deal with him after the previous nights events. Amanda shared a sympathetic look with the older woman, trying to shield her own disappointment as she paired with one of the men she'd spoken to the previous day.

"We'll climb this mountain until nightfall; you've all got maps and radios; let's go." Porter grinned enthusiastically.

The team split up, though still in view of the others in search of clues.

"About last night." Dean began as soon as the other teams were out of earshot.

"Don't." Olivia interjected promptly. "Let's face it; we both know that you have a severe foot-in-mouth problem." She laughed.

They had always slung insults at each other, though each could admit that over the years they'd become harsher – not that they didn't know why.

"You've always been a grade-a bitch Liv." He growled.

"Me?" She exclaimed. "Fuck, you really have turned into an arse."

Olivia was serious; unfortunately for him she'd been serious for a long time.

"Fuck Liv, you just can't let it go; can you?" He scowled harshly, his voice lowering.

"I could say the same for you." She snapped, her hands moving to rest on her hips.

Dean only laughed, shaking his head in frustration before he turned his back on Olivia; something he did often. She hung back, watching him trail up the mountain face, her eyes shifting to Amanda. She watched the blonde hiking effortlessly, shielded by trees and two other groups. Olivia could feel Dean's irritated gaze directed back at her but chose to ignore him, instead continuing to watch as Amanda wove through the trees. She watched Amanda's loose hair fall in behind her, shifting with each movement as she looked for clues around the rocks. The great outdoors suited Amanda, almost like each was made for one another. Amanda turned suddenly, catching Olivia's stare directly. Amanda's steps faltered momentarily before she pulled herself back into the conversation she shared with her hiking partner. He was hitting on her, Olivia could tell by the grin that he directed towards her, just as she had experienced across the span of her career.

"When this is all over, wanna grab some drinks?" He offered hopefully.

"Maybe." Amanda smiled. "I'm keeping my options open."

She must have faltered, turned towards Olivia without realising, because the officer's face turned to that of curious realisation.

"You're not?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

Amanda grinned slyly with a shrug.

"I bat for both teams." She laughed, long confident with her choice of sexual partners.

"Who wouldn't with _that _walking around?" He chuckled, motioning towards Olivia who was searching through trees. "That Benson's definitely a looker."

Amanda nodded without hesitation.

"No speculation as to why Dean never got over her." The man commented suddenly.

Amanda turned to him with a raised eyebrow, earning a laugh from the man at her side.

"You _must _be new." He exclaimed. "That's one of the oldest flings on the grapevine; I've been Dean's partner over a decade." The man laughed. "I'm the only one who can stand him." He finished with a wink.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, most of his years have been spent chasing that woman; hard to catch that Benson – she don't like to be held down and neither do he. Though he's caught her a couple times, not for long, those two are sporadic – all passion in all the wrong places, bound to clash heads and boy do they."

Amanda considered this for a moment; it sure as hell explained a few things.

"Think they'll pick up again?" She finally asked.

"From what I'm to understand, she wouldn't give him a hope in hell, things ended pretty badly the last time."

"But?"

"But." He sighed. "With those two, you never know."

**...**

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	3. Unfamiliarity of feeling

**I know not all of you will like tis chapter, so read with caution! ;)**

**...**

"It's been almost a week and we have virtually no leads! Bridgette could be dead by now." Olivia growled.

The whole camp groaned; the two of them had been at each other's throats for hours, it'd stopped being funny after they really got into it. Everyone just wanted to stop their own heads from being cut off. The two could only be described as animals, thirsty for each other's blood; vicious creatures whose power clashed greater with each other than it ever would with another.

"You still don't get it, do you Olivia? This is a whole lot bigger than Bridgette." He snarled.

They were face to face now, though Olivia was a great deal shorter than he she still managed to measure up when it came to him, Dean couldn't avoid her as he usually did – she wasn't having any of it.

"You don't even care, do you?" Olivia breathed her face red with frustration.

"Do we need to take this somewhere else?"

Olivia turned to see everyone's eyes upon them before she answered with a sharp nod. They left, each with flashlights and radios in hand.

"Fifty bucks says she throws that radio at him." One of the men hollered once the two were out of earshot.

"I'll take you for that." Someone else called. "I reckon she'll hit him across the head with that flashlight."

"You guys don't know Dean." Another said. "He'd 'ave that pretty piece of arse on the ground before she could even lift 'er finger."

A few of the men began to whisper, eyes shifting to Amanda so that they may study the uneasy look across her face.

"You don't know Liv." She tried to laugh, continuing to hang the woman's clothes.

"How 'bout it Rollins, care to wager a bet?"

"I don't bet." She laughed.

Not anymore anyway.

"More money for us." The men grinned, continuing with their work.

...

"Are you gonna be like this the whole fucking trip?" Dean growled.

"As long as you remain the inconsiderate fucking bastard you've always been." Olivia grinned sarcastically, pushing through some shrubbery to reach him.

She had stormed after him through the foliage until they were well out of campsite view and earshot, winding her way through trees, her footing weakened along the rocks as the flashlight and radio weight unbalanced her.

"Inconsiderate bastard?" He questioned. "If we're playing that game then I think you deserve the title just as much as I."

Olivia pursed her lips, eyes not leaving his.

"I wasn't talking about us and you know it." She whispered, unable to prevent the fault in her voice.

"That's all this shit is Olivia, that's all it's ever been. You just fucking resent me for leaving you." He snarled.

"Whatever." Olivia sighed, trying to force herself to look at him again.

"You know what, I do resent you for leaving me but you've never been worse than you are right now. I have _never _hated you more than I hate you right now."

It had come out as a harsh whisper, though she had willed it to be stronger – the sincerity in voice showing on her face. Olivia hated the way he made her body shake as though she may cry, she hated that it was not an unfamiliar experience with him. Dean always did this to her, they did it to each other. No matter how much time had passed or how many others there had been, Dean never left her entirely – she often wondered if either of them could ever really leave one another.

"Really Olivia?" He laughed, approaching her slowly.

She was unable to conceal the falter in her step as she tried to move backwards; he caught her by the arm when she stumbled, her face still shying away from him.

"Figures." He breathed against the side of her face.

His grip grew softer around her arm, fingers toying with the fleecy cotton of Amanda's grey pullover.

She knew what he was doing and as mad as she was, she knew it was working; but she couldn't let it.

"Look at me." He whispered, softer than he had been, pulling her to face him with his thumb on her chin.

"You've lost your balls, you know that?" She spat, her lip quivering as his thumb moved to trace it. "You've lost what it really means to do your job."

He released her face but his grip on her arm was still tight. She could see the features of his face twist into a snarl, but she pressed further.

"You're only out here for the fucking glory." She breathed, daring a step closer to him. "It's the only reason you ever show up."

"Take it back." He growled.

"You don't give a fuck about Bridgette. You don't give a fuck about any of them!" She screamed.

He threw away his grip on her, moving to pace quickly. As Olivia caught the blaze in his eyes, he grabbed her again; this time by the fabric of Amanda's sweatshirt, balling it in his fist at her chest as she felt her weight rise.

"Say it again." He commanded. "I _fucking _dare you." He spat, voice laced with a vicious threat.

Olivia was seething, she merely shook her head at him; she was done.

"Let me go Dean." She sighed.

She felt the sweatshirt twist further in his grip, her body been pulled closer to him.

"Dean..." She growled through gritted teeth. "Let me go. _Now_."

When his grip didn't loosen she raised her hands to his chest, her eyes following slightly after. She pushed him, though he didn't stumble, nor did his grip loosen. When she pushed again his hand rose to meet her face. Olivia fell with a thud against the forest terrain, a trickle of blood sliding from her lip. Her breathing was heavy, unable to identify whether from anger or fright.

"I will not go through this again." She whispered, wiping the blood across her hand.

His features became softer again, the hardness of his jaw and heat from his cheeks disapperating. Dean knelt, trying to assess the damage he had done. It was not the first time he'd hit her, it wouldn't be the last; it was the same from her side, had been since they'd first met. She turned away from his gentle touch at her cheek and so he slowly pulled away.

"Olivia."

"Don't." She whispered."Not now."

He helped her up, both taking a moment to regain themselves as he took one of her hands beneath his. He traced his finger over the blood smear she'd wiped there, already hating himself for losing control.

"Continue another time?" He laughed, trying to break the tension between them.

"Wouldn't miss it." She sighed weakly, making no move to leave.

He took her other hand, sliding his thumb over the mark he'd left a day before, his face solemn as his eyes flicked towards her. They kissed, only lightly - though enough for him to taste the metallic taint of her blood - it was short, a brisk reminder of the life they once shared together. When she pushed him away, he understood.

"I hate you." She whispered eyes downcast as she slid her fingers from his chest.

"I wish you wouldn't." He whispered back. "You know it won't last."

He was right, had a nasty habit of always being right when it came to her, and it made her hate herself.

...

As the two returned all eyes cast upon them, people readied for a rambunctious discussion; but at the sight of them, all continued working. Seemingly, only one man had earned his bet, Amanda would have lost for sure. The bruise across her smooth olive face was clear, unshrouded by her rumpled waves, a purple mark still tinged with red definition. Her lip was split, though no longer bleeding, otherwise returning just as she had left. Olivia was calm, they both were; Amanda found herself concerned, eyes searching the other men, unsure as to why no one spoke up – all knowing it was Dean that had struck her. Olivia made her way to the blonde, a lopsided smile threatening to re-split her lip, before she leant against a tree. Amanda surveyed the blood drops that spattered the neck of her jumper before finding Olivia's eyes; the brunette's smile washed away at Amanda's watery gaze. Amanda stepped towards her, and rising to Olivia's face just as it had done the night before, the pad of her thumb sliding across the woman's bruised cheekbone. Though Olivia had flinched at the sight of Amanda's hand moving towards her, as Amanda's gentle hand grazed across her face she relaxed and leant into the blonde's touch as she knew the younger woman desired. Amanda's absolute silence began to frighten her and so she reached up her fingers to intertwine around each of Amanda's wrists, lowering them to her front.

"It's okay." Olivia promised, aware that no lie could cover the truth of what had happened.

She knew that none of the others would speak a word, they feared for their jobs if they said anything, they were used to it; but Amanda, Olivia knew enough of her to know that she didn't see things that way. Amanda turned her head away, pulling her wrists from the contact she craved.

"Why?"

Olivia sighed, sliding past Amanda so that she could continue hanging her belongings out to dry.

"Just." Olivia began, her face turning back to Amanda. "Because."

It was a half arsed answer that she knew the blonde wouldn't accept, though she thought silently. Amanda came to the justifiable conclusion that the best punishment for Dean would be for her to hit him twice as hard across the face with a tent pole, at least, it would do to begin with.

"Let me clean you up." Amanda whispered at last, taking Olivia's hand and pulling her to the pagoda, not a single person daring look their way.

Olivia didn't refuse, silently begging for Amanda to forgive her though she already knew she was – even silently begging her to forgive Dean, as misunderstood as he was. Amanda pushed her down into a chair by her shoulders, turning to fetch a water basin that she filled slightly, retrieving a cloth and wringing it out in the basin. Amanda began to wash Olivia's discoloured face, her eyes following the woman who watched her every movement. Olivia was unable to retain a hiss as Amanda slid over her small cuts, Amanda jumping slightly at the sound before trying to continue more gently.

"I've broken his nose before." The brunette suddenly smiled. "Twice in fact."

It had been an effort to ease Amanda, though the woman continued cleaning despite knowing she was done.

"Didn't you notice that it looks kind of funny?" She laughed, her head turning towards Dean. "Whenever we get really into it one of us..." Olivia stopped with a sigh, realising that she wasn't really making Amanda feel better. "I'm fine Amanda, thank you." She whispered, her hand flittering across the blonde's thigh, followed by a short gasp heard only by the two.

Olivia stood before Amanda could object, leaving the woman to stand alone. The short gasp of breath had hit the hollow of Olivia's throat, making a path straight down just as the brunette's touch had done to Amanda. After a moment Amanda caught Dean's eye, having re-emerged from his tent, she scowled in is direction before leaving; praying that a mountain lion wouldn't eat him before she had the chance to maim him herself.

...

"Benson!" One of the officers called. "You've well and truly fucked up that tent of yours." He laughed. "I can't fix it and we don't have any spares."

"She can bunk with me." Dean winked.

Everyone laughed but Amanda, instead directing a disgusted gaze towards him.

"Or us." Three other men called in unison.

Olivia laughed, pulling an unsuspecting Amanda towards her with a smile.

"Sorry guys." She shrugged. "But I think I'll stick with blondie." She winked, winding her arms around Amanda's waist so that the woman's slim frame pressed against her breasts.

A few wolf whistles erupted, followed by a steady laughter as the men continued working.

"If she'll have me of course." Olivia whispered into Amanda's ear.

Amanda felt as though she might melt beneath the heat from Olivia's lips. Was it her way of apologising though she needn't, or something more? Amanda turned to face the woman whose fingers entwined at her lower back boldly.

"Stop calling me blondie and you can have whatever you want." Amanda quipped.

Olivia raised her eyebrow at the comment, watching as Amanda's gaze followed her tongue as it slid slowly across her upper lip.

"Is that so, detective?" Olivia husked, moving her face closer to Amanda's.

Amanda couldn't move, sure that she was imagining Olivia's boldness. Amanda gulped, turning Olivia's teasing smile into a smirk before she laughed. Olivia stepped away from the blonde, smile never leaving her lips.

"Better hurry up blondie." She whispered. "We both know I'm no good at setting up tents." Olivia finished with a final grin, slipping away from the blonde.

Dean watched the exchange between the two, unsure of Olivia's intentions. If the woman had been trying to make him jealous then it had worked.

...

"You should eat something." Amanda advised, passing a plate to Olivia.

"Thanks." Olivia smiled gently, scooting across the ground to make space for the younger detective.

Amanda didn't hesitate to sit, she relished the closeness of Olivia's body to hers and was willing to do anything she could to sustain her growing need for it. Olivia had acted on a bold whim with the woman earlier, fuelled by her weakness with Dean and willed to provoke him further upon stupidity; but it had become more than that. As she pushed around the food on her plate her eyes flicked to Amanda who stared wistfully at the fire illuminating their figures. It was clear that the group of men to which Amanda had grown friendly with were missing her company; one of them called for her, the lure of avid sports talk to sweeten the deal. Despite the appeal it held for her, Amanda politely refused – knowing the heat from her cheeks was from Olivia's lingering stare rather than the fire's warmth.

"You can go." Olivia smiled, taking a hesitant bite at her potato.

Amanda gently set down her knife and fork, turning her head to Olivia with an incredulous smile. Olivia bit her lip slightly, unable to hide her smirk at the sight of Amanda's dirt smudged face.

"What?" The blonde laughed.

"Your face is filthy Amanda." Olivia smirked.

The blonde's face looked puzzled momentarily before her eyes flicked down the tip of her nose which she proceeded to scrunch, inducing an uncontrollable laughter from the woman beside her, as she attempted to glimpse at the dirt smudging her face.

"Amanda!" Olivia screeched, slapping the blonde playfully. "You look ridiculous!"

_Ridiculously cute_, Olivia thought silently. Amanda laughed, her body unconsciously moving closer to Olivia's. In the silence that followed on the brisk air enveloping their bodies like waves across the ocean Amanda's body leant in to Olivia's, seeming to fit perfectly against the curves composing the older woman, as each one's chest rose and fell in time with the other's. The two had become a spectacle to Dean, his eyes focussed upon their more-than-friendly movements towards each other. Olivia wound her arm around Amanda's shoulders, pulling the slim framed blonde into her body, as she proceeded to yawn. The simple small and squeaky sound that exited Amanda's lips made the woman beside her smile softly, shivering from the cold felt at all places void of Amanda's touch. The exhaustion that had seemed earlier unfelt from the blonde after their hike was now evident as her head easily slipped onto the curve of Olivia's chest where her breath warmed the woman through her own fleecy pullover. Amanda's eyes flickered with the fire's dim glow, her breath in time with the woman beneath her, as she fought the urge to sleep; not wanting to miss a moment of the seemingly dream confined closeness.

"Amanda?" Olivia breathed onto the top of the blonde's head, toying with a few strands of honey blonde hair between her fingers.

Amanda didn't reply, too overtaken by the caressing touch of Olivia's fingers down the nape of her neck and through the knotted tresses of her escaping ponytail before they hesitated on the small of her back, Olivia's hand seeming to hover momentarily.

"You..." Olivia began.

"Shhh..." Amanda pleaded weakly, feeling exhaustion cloud her vision and slow her movements.

Olivia closed her own eyes as the sensation of Amanda's fingers grazing over her own, on the pursuit of clasping her hand, releasing a powerful burning that prickled at her skin; a still unfamiliar feeling when paired with its inducer. She would be lying if she were to say that Amanda's closeness didn't feel wonderful; she had experimented with it earlier, confused by how it had made her feel. Olivia's chest hollowed as a sharp breath escaped through the slight parting of her lips at the lazy circles Amanda drew across the back of her hand; the brunette's slender olive fingers seeming to contract, pressure forming on the small of Amanda's back as she tugged unconsciously at the fabric of the young detective's clothing. Amanda's body tensed with Olivia's, her tired mind becoming aware of the effect she was having upon the other woman. Amanda hesitated on her thoughts, briefly entertaining the idea of turning to kiss Olivia before the reminder of their audience disheartened her, choosing instead to see how much further Olivia would allow her. Amanda slid a finger upwards, feeling Olivia's gaze follow her movements, across the slightly jutting bone of the brunette's wrist where she hesitated again. When Olivia didn't stop her she worked a finger under the elastic cuff of Olivia's jumper to the warm skin beneath; it was such a simple touch with such an un-simple reaction. Olivia's mouth was dry as she dug nails painfully into her thigh in an effort not to touch Amanda anymore than she already was. Olivia felt _abnormal _as her heart beat increased in pace, Amanda aware as she nuzzled her face into Olivia's chest to hear it. Olivia blinked painfully, her head tilting back slightly as she felt Amanda's hand slide back down to her fingertips that scrunched at the fabric of her pants. She tried to ignore the burning sensation that followed Amanda's path across her thigh as her eyes flicked back across the gathering she'd almost forgotten they were a part of. To her silent relief it seemed as though all of the men had paid them no attention, instead continuing with their conversations. Her eyes caught Dean's who had been watching their exchange with an emotion that Olivia couldn't place. It had become abundantly clear to her that Amanda's movements were not that of a sleepy accidental haze, they held more purpose to each caressing touch; Amanda was _trying_ to elicit a response.

"Amanda." Olivia choked as she felt the woman's hand sliding up her bare back, her eyes still connected with Dean's. "Amanda, stop."

It hadn't come out as stern or angry but Amanda knew that it was an order, she moved her body back with a sigh, realising that she had made a mistake. Olivia couldn't stand the pressure of tension that seemed to crush her body beneath Dean's stony glare and Amanda's sudden distance and so she stood briskly and made her way to the tent where she would later need to endure Amanda's awkward company.

...

It was just past eleven when the crowd disapperated and Amanda realised that she could no longer escape the prospect of joining Olivia. Dean's sight had not left Amanda since the brunette's departure and she became quickly aware that she wouldn't be able to escape a confrontation with him for much longer. Amanda sighed as she eased the tent zipper down, entering quickly to find Olivia's huddled form. She was not asleep.

"Liv?" She questioned quietly.

The woman didn't respond, though Amanda noted a shift in her shoulder's beneath the blanket.

"Liv, I'm sorry." She sighed, disappointment in her actions wavering over her.

Olivia breathed heavily, she felt guilty for the way that she knew Amanda was feeling, she struggled for a moment but the younger woman's silence became painful. Olivia turned her body to face Amanda, eyes quickly finding the bloodshot blonde's.

"Come lay with me." She whispered, forcing the words to leave her lips despite knowing they could come easy.

In a way it was both more _and _less than what she should have said, than what she wanted to say, but Amanda looked more than relieved. She slid under the covers, hesitating only when her body lay an inch from Olivia's, unsure of which liberties she could take after her earlier boldness. Olivia could feel the heat radiating from the younger woman's body, understanding the pause in movement. She closed her eyes, trying to calm the fisted feeling in her gut by biting on her lip. After a moment Olivia slid back into Amanda's frame, allowing the other woman to slide an arm across her midsection where they simply lay there. Amanda rest her head just below the nape of Olivia's neck, grateful for the acceptance that she seemed to have, allowing her breath to come steadily across the brunette's back.

"Goodnight Amanda." She whispered, giving the blonde's hand a gentle squeeze before leaving it to rest there.

The exhausted blonde was lost to sleep in what passed as mere moments for Olivia where she lay trapped in her own thoughts. She could no longer deny that there was something between them, that she felt something deeper for the woman asleep at her side, but she could also not deny how uncomfortable it made her; how powerless she felt against it as her mind and body pulled her towards the blonde.

...

Olivia awoke restlessly, still clasped firmly beneath Amanda's grip. She struggled free, Amanda rolling over sleepily, as she moved to the tents exit. She needed fresh air, she needed sense, she needed Dean. Olivia stumbled half blind and barefoot across the camp site to his tent where she hesitated a moment before unzipping it. Dean reacted quickly, drawing his gun before he realised who it was.

"What the fuck Liv? You'll get shot sneaking into a man's tent at night like that."

He yawned, setting down his gun and wiping a hand across his face. He had half expected her presence to be a dream but even after he blinked, she remained. Propped up on his hands he merely stared at her as she was unmoving halfway between the entry to his tent, her large chocolate eyes cast upon him as loose chestnut waves framed her face.

"Liv?" He questioned her again, eyes travelling hastily across her body, sight catching on the bruise across her face inflicted by his own hand.

She felt words in her throat, though they were familiar they were painful and weak, she couldn't bear to say them. As she averted her eyes, head tuning slightly over her shoulder to gaze back at the tent where Amanda lay sleeping, Dean moved until he sat just before her; worry weighing across his features. When his hand reached out to turn her face to his, she kissed him. It was not a gentle kiss, it was hungry, the kind that bruises a person's lips. Her hands grasped at his face, kiss growing deeper upon her insistence until they broke apart. Olivia pulled back slowly, her fingers grazing down across the light spattering of stubble across his jaw until they slid down his bare chest. He knew it was best to let her breathe, the experience being shared between them not a new one.

"Liv..." He breathed again, his hand wandering to catch hers.

She pulled away swiftly, instead taking his other hand and pulling him to follow her from the tent. Together they made their way from the campsite, Dean trailing along behind her as she guided him to a secluded area of trees. When they both stopped she broke away from him, walking less than a metre before she stopped again, her bare feet cushioned by soft green moss. She turned on her feet to face him, her balance wavering as she ran a hand through the loose waves of her hair. Dean took a stride forward, catching slender olive wrists in his hands. The way she looked at him, up through thick lashes, always drove him crazy; it had been so long since he'd seen her this way, craving him as he craved her. She captured his lips, her hair falling loose around their faces as he pulled her into him. When he released her wrists they wandered around his neck as his gripped at her hips, pawing at her clothes as his thumbs slid beneath the fabric of her pants.

"Dean..." She breathed as he moved to kiss along the line of her jaw, pushing her body softly down to the ground until her back collided with the damp forest moss.

The wetness from the ground dampened her jumper, soaking through to cool her skin. Things seemed slow at night, she could hear the clicking of crickets and the steps of small mice and lizards that moved around them. Olivia lifted her body as Dean removed the jumper she'd borrowed from Amanda until both their chests were bare, goose bumps prickling at their skin as night air moved like ice through their blood. Her back arched at the sensation of Dean taking a nipple into his mouth, suckling roughly and nipping at the tender spot as she wound hands into his hair. Her eyes flittered open and closed as Dean continued his ministrations, the silhouettes of colossal pines shielding the moon from her sight. Olivia's head lolled to the side as he kissed his way down the quivering muscles of her stomach, her eyes trying to make her mind focus on the slim blades of grass swaying in the gentle breeze. She was not thinking of Dean, though she tried so hard to do so. Her mind became so clouded that she could not see the trees, or Dean's face as it lowered down her body; Amanda was all that she could see. Her mind replayed moments from months ago, their first meeting, the first time Olivia had caught her staring, the first time that she had caught herself staring back.

"Mngh!" Olivia cried as she felt Dean enter er, his face lowering until his breath came hot against her cheek.

She kissed him, their tongue's entangling as his thrusts quickened. This made sense to her, the familiarity of his body melting into hers, the way that they had once forced themselves to love one another when it had been something not quite as strong. She could feel her body burning and her senses heighten the higher she became, turning her head from Dean as images of Amanda burned in her retina. Dean was oblivious to her thoughts, continuing to kiss at the hollow of her throat as his arms pulled at her hips, forcing her body close to his. She felt her chest begin to heave, her body pushing into his as her hands began to search for something to hold on to. She could feel the pressure of his fingers digging her hips, her body writhing beneath him as he thrust inside her. They both allowed a sharp intake of breath to overcome their bodies as he filled her insides, their skin covered in a fine sheen of sweat as her fingers relaxed into the piles of terrain that she had pulled up with her nails. She sifted the dirt through her fingers, Dean's body limp and relaxed above her own, trying to ignore the emptiness that seemed to break holes in her veins. Dean had not fixed her problem

"Dean?" She whispered urgently, feeling a smooth cool slide against her palm. "Dean look!"

**...**

**So, um, yeah... ten reviews for next chapter (:**


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